1 Night Stand Regret
I knew it was a mistake. I didn’t want to talk to her. I wanted to be alone and read. Just be alone. I was thinking that I would be pissed if there was menstrual blood anywhere. I wanted to shower to get her off me. That’s when you know it’s bad. You don’t want their smell on you anymore. The initial thrill of banging the girl on the CD cover passed around the time she was getting high in my bathroom.
I knew she couldn’t spend the night so I endured her talking for a bit. She has the annoying habit of repeating a question before she answers it.
“Where did you park?”
“Where did I park? About a block away.”
Things like that get magnified when you’re not excited about someone. And I wished she would stop telling me that I’m so cute.
She said something about Joe Strummer that pissed me off, but I didn’t think she was worth the intellectual toil of a debate. I wasn’t going to waste thinking and brain activity on her. She only gets one of my heads. I knew it would be over soon…she would leave. She went to the bathroom as I inspected my white duvet and featherbed – no blood, not even a wet spot. I still wanted to shower though. And I wanted her to get dressed and leave. I don’t want to do it again but it will probably happen. I don’t want to date this girl. She even admits she has “red flags.” But we’ll have sex again and I’ll feel awful afterward. A shitty cycle all for a few moments of pleasure.
She went into detail about her three abortions as she was putting on her underwear. Even though she’s not on the pill, she told me not to worry because it’s the end of her period and she can’t get pregnant. It could be a medical fact for all I know or care, but I don’t care. All I know at this point is that my abs will be sore tomorrow from the thrusting and my wrists will hurt from supporting my weight on the mattress.
THE GOOD ONES…
You don’t want them to get dressed and leave. You want them to stay close and you’ll do anything to keep their smell on you. You don’t want to shower. You don’t mind if you feel some slight stubble on their calves – it gives them an adorable quality. Tonight, it was just something that scratched the tops of my shoulders. You want them to lie on you and spend the night and spend the entire next day with you. A Good One is the elusive ticket to an emotional wonderland. A ticket you got for face value and you never want the show to end. A great cycle all for great moments of pleasure.
None of that tonight though. She smoked a fuckin’ cigarette in here and it still smells even though she opened a window. A smelly reminder of my mistake that I will make again – probably tomorrow night. I’ll rationalize it by then. Another vicious cycle, just like binge drinking. Binge sex – my new addiction.
If she were a Good One, I would’ve walked her to her car because she parked a block away. It’s a warm evening and I still didn’t. She’ll be easy to avoid though. I’ll just tell her I have plans and she’ll be none the wiser. What did guys like me do before caller I.D.? I don’t want to share with her, just the minimum to keep her around. She’ll get nothing genuine from me.
But it’s late and I have to work tomorrow. I sit here in my kitchen and wish she were a Good One. That if this happened with Melissa, I probably would’ve proposed to her before she left. I think about how good the blowjob was tonight and the rationalizing is already beginning.