Uptown Rantz

Don't Wanna Be No Uptown Fool

Vans, Denise Richards, Westlaw Contractors

I was hammered last night. I reached that point of alcohol consumption where I consciously realized that I’m drunk. It happened as I was seated at the Green Mill bar and looking down at my coffee-stained Vans slip-ons, which I’ve worn for five days straight. I have plenty of other shoes that are nicer, but these Vans have been my second-skin for work, weekends, taking out the trash and anything else.

With the inebriation came the freedom from self-consciousness that will accompany being alone at a bar. I was no longer checking my cell phone every couple minutes pretending to be waiting for someone. And I was no longer attempting to read the City Pages because it was too dark to read anything anyway. And I thought it was hilarious that the website I write the next day (today) will be for a law firm that specializes in DWI law. That’s even kind of hilarious sober. But these Vans will also walk me home.

My personal remedy for a hangover is to wake-up and immediately do 50 pushups. Then get a tall coffee to-go from the Uptown Diner before I head down 35W. So that’s what I do. Now I have four pages of this DWI site under my belt and I need to take a walk. I walk through the skyway over to the Westlaw side. As usual, the Findlaw girl who looks like a young Denise Richards is talking with the black guy in the graphic print t-shirt in the middle of the skyway. She giggles and he acts cool even though he’s wearing a graphic print t-shirt. They don’t even notice me

Over in Westlaw, I pass the ice-cube trays where all the contractors are watching TV, You-tubing, and Facebooking. Speaking from experience, it’s completely amazing how much work goes un-done when you’re a contractor at this place. I watched three seasons of Friday Night Lights and bought and sold hundreds of dollars of ebay merchandise while all the Novus data I was supposed to be checking went un-checked in front of me. [editor’s note – if you’re a Westlaw subscriber and your database isn’t displaying properly…sorry…It was because I was on Hulu.com during external release testing.]

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3 thoughts on “Vans, Denise Richards, Westlaw Contractors

  1. You are spot on with your description of life on the Westlaw campus. That place is about as dry as a camel’s crotch.

  2. I posted the salmon comments.. Forgot my the email I used PLEASE take my comments out on all strings asap if you would be so kind. Sorry.

    Thank you very much!

  3. Pingback: SarahGlassmeyer(dot)com » Give Open a Chance in Law

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